


When All the Axes in the World Can't Save You

by pistol_red



Series: Queens of Toronto (also known as my horrific /report stories) [1]
Category: Fandom RPF, Meta - Fandom, Slash Report RPF
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gen, Insanity, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 16:22:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pistol_red/pseuds/pistol_red
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a possibility that MK and Pru are stuck in a badfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When All the Axes in the World Can't Save You

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. IN MY DEFENSE, THEY SAID THEY WERE OKAY WITH THIS! AND, IN HONOR OF THIS BEING ABOUT BADFIC AND ME NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY WRITE ANYTHING EVER THIS IS BASICALLY THAT BADFIC WHERE ALL THE FACTS ARE OFF BECAUSE I'M NOT A STALKER WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT THESE PEOPLE AND THE CHARACTERS ACT ALL OOC BECAUSE THE LAZY AUTHOR JUST DOESN'T CARE, BECAUSE SHE'S A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING. ONLY IT'S ABOUT BADFIC TOO. JUST DOUBLING THE BADFIC QUOTA HERE. NEVER TOO MUCH BADFIC.

MK was having a delightfully pleasant sleep, dreaming of Derek Hale starring in the male version of Swan Lake with Stiles as the prince, so being suddenly awoken to the sounds of growling and banging coming from just outside her door was startling and a little annoying to say the least. They were just getting to the good parts. The sexy parts.

Another crash broke her out of her deep thoughts on how Swan!Derek would prance across the stage majestically and take Stiles into his arms, hiding and shielding him from the cruel world around him before breaking down crying himself because let's face it, Derek didn't exactly know how to function. MK would know, because MK knew how to function now. Ha, she thought triumphantly, take that dad.

There was another bang and snarl from outside her door and so she thought, logically of course: _Werewolves?_

No that's silly, she laughed to herself. It was probably a murdering serial killing rapist coming to eat her eyeballs and preserve her flesh in glass jars like she saw on an episode of Criminal Minds once. Or maybe that was NCIS fic. She wasn't sure. 

Okay MK, calm down, she told herself, reach your inner zen stage and think for a mintue. She left her pickaxe in the bathroom, so that was out. The best solution she had was locking herself in the closet and crying.

It was a good plan. So that's what she did. She pulled her computer into the closet with her, of course, and set up camp, ignoring numerous emails from Pru to frantically write new emails to twentysomething and Pru about a possible werewolf serial killer trying to get into her home.

The banging stopped suddenly and a new email almost immediately popped up in MK's inbox from Pru simply titled, _oh god you've got to be kidding me get out here you disaster_

MK blinked several times. This could mean one of several things. But most likely that Pru was outside her front door and relatively angry. MK debated the pros and cons of letting her in for a moment before deciding that ultimately she would always let her friends through her front door even if their eyes were cold and dead like a serial killer and they were carrying an ax with her name on it.

The door swung open to reveal a harried and more than slightly annoyed looking Pru. “.....why are you in Canada?” It seemed like the logical question to ask.

Pru rolled her eyes, “Because Canada won't let me leave.”

This wasn't really clearing anything up, but, Pru was here! “We should go out and get breakfast!”

Pru blinked at her several times before storming into her home and exasperatingly flinging her bags down on MK's counter. “You don't notice anything weird?”

MK looked around blankly. Well, Pru was here, but she wasn't going to question a good thing. So she just shrugged a little.

Pru looked ready to either fling herself down on the couch and start sobbing or possibly rip MK's hair out. Or both. “I'm stuck in a badfic!” She practically yelled at MK.

“....huh?” MK said eloquently. None of this was making any sense. 

“Badfic!” Pru yelled, “I've been in one since Tuesday. It's following me around!”

Okay. Right. MK could work with this. “What can I do to help?”

“I don't know!” Pru said, her voice taking on a frantic tone as she flailed around widely. “It just forced me to go to Toronto! I need booze.”

The badfic had good taste, MK thought. Toronto was a magical place after all. Canada, fuck yeah. 

“Wait,” she said, “...what's happened? How do you know you're in a badfic exactly?”

Pru's face fell dramatically, all life, hope and humanity vanquished from it as fast as MK asked, her mouth falling open and closing again in wordless horror, before quickly nodding her head towards MK and saying, “The thing's I've seen, MK. _The things I've seen.”_

Oh, it was bad. It was so bad. “Do you need cheese or a kdrama to help you feel better?” MK asked sympathetically, not knowing how to soothe the pain.

Pru just buried her face in her hands, seemingly trying to will the badfic away as she muttered, “No. Just make it go away. Maybe alcohol. Or death.”

MK felt a little helpless, not quite knowing how the badfic was even plaguing Pru. But just at that moment, a naked middle aged man ran past her still open front door with something that looked suspiciously like an insect in his crotch area.

MK's eyes bulged out before her defense mechanism kicked in and she slammed her front door so hard it shook in its hinges before running to the bathroom to grab her pickaxe.

“Oh god what are you doing now. Who are you going to kill?” Pru asked as MK strided confidently towards her front door, determined to open it and see if _that thing_ was still out there.

“We have to kill it Pru. It's gotta die. It's gotta die right now.”

Pru just groaned deeply and said, “You don't think I've tried that? All these badfic incarnations have been following me around for _days! Days, MK, days!”_

“What does it want?” MK shrieked, unable to fathom the evil that brought this to her doorstep. 

Pru looked into the distance, “I think we pissed off one of our listeners.”

MK was confused, “One of our _listeners_ did this? No, fandom would not stoop this low.”

"Bugcock." Pru said simply, before she shrugged dejectedly and continued with, “I received a weird email a couple days ago. About chicken, regret, and enlarging your penis. I didn't pay much attention to it.”

“Oh, right.” Well, MK thought, it made about as much sense as anything. “What does the badfic want?”

Pru looked at MK and sighed, “I think it wants you to kiss me. And possibly welcome me into your pack, or something equally horrifying.”

That actually did make a little sense to MK as ever since she woke up she had a far keener sense of smell and a desire to tear off all her clothes and run rampant through the forests. Plus, she did always want Pru to be bonded forever to her. She used to dream about when she stalked her lj and listened to The Police's Every Breath You Take.

Pru was just looking at her like she knew what she was thinking; a mixture of amusement and disbelief on her face, as she just sighed and said, “You're so.....ugh.”

It was a total term of endearment. Pru couldn't lie to her, stalking totally works when trying to make friends.

“Well kiss me already!” Pru proclaimed loudly, just as MK had a thought, “Wait a minute, are we in a Sentinel AU?!” Her voice cracking from excitement. Well, she was a werewolf, what else might she be?

Pru's look of pure horror could be matched to no ones as she hurled herself out of her seat and pressed a hard kiss to MK's lips, determined to not let herself live in a Sentinel AU for another minute.

Everything went away after that except the werewolf part and the Sentinel bits. Because life was awesome, MK figured. Pru strongly disagreed. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ........I'm sorry! And I sort of thought there was some kind of poetic irony in me actually writing a badfic about slashreport. Helped by the fact that I can't actually write. Heh.


End file.
